Too good to pass up

We have agreed to do out best to avoid commenting on politics here, but this is too good to pass up. If you watched the State of the Union on Monday night, the Democratic response was delivered by Governor Kathleen Sebelius of Kansas - who many say is a front runner for the VP nod on the Dem ticket in '08.

According to Fox News, John Sebelius, the 23 year old son of the Governor, is quite the entrepeneur. He is now selling a board game online called "Don't Drop the Soap." Some noteworthy challenges to the game include trying to avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the shower and trying not to smoke your entire stash in the hole. Much like Monopoly, you also get to choose your token, and your choices in this game notably include a bag of cocaine or a large black man named Anferny flexing in a wife beater and rockign some bling. Well done, John.

Who knows if this is life imitating art, but hello Black Sheep meets Billy Madison? Loser spoiled kid with rich parents makes brilliant personal choices and embarrasses Gubernatorial parent (brother in the movie...) on biggest night of their life? Or, is he a POS D-bag layabout who spends his time and parents money just sitting around, as the picture from his "company" website suggests.

Good work John. And, if any of you have plans for a family trip to the cabin, be sure to pick up a copy of "Don't Drop the Soap" and make sure you save the coke bag piece for Gramma.

Bunnies shooting bullets shaped like skulls smoking cigarettes...

While expanding our minds (after a blinder of a night) in the courtyard of his new apartment, Dub is snooping in the corner where he sees an open door.

"Dude, this guy has a human skull on his desk!"

This grabs my attention of course. As I peer through the cracked door, I hear footsteps. Fuck. I'm going to get caught looking into this person's house. The door swings open, and there stands Upper Playground artist Jeremy Fish (see Aesop Rock - None Shall Pass album art). Surprisingly - instead of telling us to fuck off, he invites us in.

I'm having a hard time not being a dip shit and telling him what a fan I am of his work as he introduces himself (thank fucking Christ I wasn't wearing any of his gear). Anyway - continues to chop it up with us for the next 45 minutes or so talking about the shows he has coming up, people watching around the neighborhood etc. Suffice to say, I was stoked.

One of the things he DIDN'T mention was that we was going to release his own line of threads. His new line features hoodies, New Era fitteds and graphic tees. All items can be purchased at his website, or at your local Upper Playground.

He's a cool dude, creates fucking awesome art (and clothing) and is a local San Franfishcoian. Pick up a piece next time you get a chance. You'll make a statement at the next party, and can use your pink bunny with a gun as a face on your shirt to impress the little hardbody in the corner.



Check J.Fish splashin some paint in Aesop Rock's video - Pigs...

Great! You have a Mustache. Yeah, we all get it.....

Hey Man, how long must this go on?!?!?! I think by now that everyone knows you have a mustache. We see you every other day bagging our groceries at the neighborhood Trader Joe's.

Hey! You there with the two-tone murray aquamarine fixy bike that dodges through traffic during rush hour with your parcel bag full of fair-trade coffee on your way to the dive bar that nobody knows about to drink PBR that you don't even like and listen to New Wave synthpop bands from Sheffield. Yeah, man. We all get it. You have a Mustache.

You, good sir. The sleepwalker at the Lowe's Movie Theater that scoops my popcorn. We all see your mustache too.

And you, I keep running into you at the corner cafe under the heater in your thick-knitted-scarf drinking your americano while reading something postmodern from Vonnegut or DeLillo. Everyone clearly sees the start of your mustache.

Lest I forget, you there! Dude, hey man.... hey Dude! You and your bro's, yeah I'm talking to you. OBVI! Yeah, you and your gang of four recently graduated, striped shirt wearing, Red Bull blaster drinking while playing beer pong in the corner brosheves. I've got some breaking news for you: girls will not fuck you with a mustache! Nobody thinks it's funny anymore and in no way is it ironic.

How long must this fad go on? I understand that the mustache has been around since the razor blade, but the renaissance within the youth of the nation's literary, hipster, nihilistic and fraternity communities during that last few years should have surely phased out by now.

As my father always says, "mustaches are to compensate for a lack of hair on the top of your head." This coming from a guy who has donned the muzzy since his early twenties. Clearly, this rule is the steeped in logic and is the end of the discussion as far as I'm concerned. Definitively, this notion goes against the ideology of all these kids in their 20's with the nose neighbor.

So now, I submit my list of who can successfully wear the mustache:

1. Military Men

2. A Walrus

3. Porn Stars

4. Relief Pitchers

5. Taxidermists

6. Person's who have worn the mustache since before the 90's

7. Balding men (and women - see Frida Kahlo)

And thats about it. No hipsters. No futurists. No jocks. We all got the joke and thought it was funny two years ago, but come on, isn't it time for a clean shave? Or at least time to audition the beard?

Youtube Top 10

Youtube has changed my world - well, maybe not, but it has changed my vocabulary. There is enough genuinely funny stuff that a casual observer of a drunken conversation among friends would be completely lost without knowledge of these videos. So, with that in mind, here are the Top 10 (well, actually 12, this is, of course, a work in progress) Youtube videos right now. Please enjoy, but feel free to drop a line with thoughts, criticisms, complaints or your vote for which is best.

Watch thees baybay!

Jim Rome vs. Jim (Chris) Everett

Exercise Problem

"Obviously she doesn't talk like that"

But!...

Ohh oww ohh ohh ohh oh stop ohhhhh I can't breathe

Woo Woo

Kablooie

2 seconds of pure humor

Boom goes the dynamite

Actually? It may in fact be a moth

Who else see the leprechaun say yeah! (also be sure to check out the "ameture" sketch)

OK, let's talk about Guitar Hero III

I know you are sitting there thinking about it. Don't pretend. You were:
(A) Humming "Through the Fire and Flames" - a song you didn't even realize you know and would never admit you like.
(B) Trying to figure out if you had enough time on your lunch break to go home and try and beat Slash. Fucking Slash!

(C) Debating between the fist pump and the leg kick as the definitive rock move of choice for when you hit star power.

Let's admit it, that is some nerdy shit. Seriously, when you were 7, it was OK to set your alarm a little early to get down there and try to beat another level of Mario before the school bus came. At 9, it's casual that the pattern Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, B, A, Select, Start rolled endlessly across your eyelids as you laid there

in bed. But really, quasi-adult person? You own a $139 belt. You pride yourself on your knowledge of the hottest happy hour spots around town. You can (and do) use the word vitriol intelligently in a sentence. So why is it that when a quiet moment rolls around in conversation, you honestly think the right thing to say is, "So I wonder if it's the hammer-ons or pull-offs that are getting me?"

Actually, what I really want to know: why have I started a savings account called "Rock Band" ($169.99 at Best Buy...)? Why do I have a band named Hamilton? I think the answer is simple, the feeling is elemental. Everyone deserves to rock. So don't fight it, don't worry if you're not the best in the room - you know who you are - you also don't like bowling, archery and other sports that necessitate showing off anything less than total physical mastery of your body and your surroundings. Grab a couple friends, ice a couple cold ones and let her rip. You know you want to.

What's the Best Super Bowl Half time Show Ever?

What would the Super Bowl be without a quick re-visiting of some recent halftime shows (debacles?). Check the right side of the main page and cast your vote for the biggest spectacle in recent years.

Sir Mick Jagger's skeleton comes out in painted on jeans and a baby tee. Proceeds to scare children worldwide and demonstrate the effects of aging on the human body.








The confirmation no one needed: Prince is, in fact, a transvestite who wears VERY high heels and plays a guitar that vaguely resembles and IUD.








Two simple words: wardrobe malfunction. JT (the guy your girlfriend is now in love with) exposes the boob of Janet Jackson (the girl you used to be in love with). How emasculating and thrilling at the same time.

Super Bowl Week (Duh)

The Super Bowl is this Sunday. Some people care, some people don't, but it certainly does cause a hullabaloo, so we at QLE thought it would be irresponsible to let it go without a couple of Super Bowl posts.

First of all, a note on the coverage. Any of you who suffered through the BCS this year (notably UGA vs. Rainbow Warriors) know that watching football on Fox sucks. Extra commercials, annoying personalities and turning every part of the game into an advertisement is only the start. The icing on the cake is, of course, the robot. Man, that is a stupid robot.

The Super Bowl is on Fox this year which means we have to sleepwalk through this robot-infested SB before our next dose of phenomenal Madden-isms. Plus, all signs point to a whipping of that punk bitch Eli by the "New Face of Stetson Cologne." Can someone please tell us what Tom is doing in this picture?!?!

So, now you get to just bide your time until the next commercial break when you turn up the volume, move to the edge of your couch and get ready for the commercials.

So, here's a shout out to a few ads (new and old) that have made us laugh a time or two.

Who are you callin' Cootie Queen Lint Licker

I think I actually remember where I watched this commercial.

Funniest QB in the game.

Gummy Bear Commercial

No one thinks is funny but me

PLAYOFFS?

They are who we thought they were!

Don't pretend you never answered the phone this way (at least once)...

An update... Look out for guac, onion dip and bean dip this Sunday... Turns out George was wrong, double dipping IS gross. Check out the NY Times for the gross out factor.

You know what really grinds my gears?

I want to start out by saying this: I LOVE biking. I have been doing it since I was like, I don't know, 5. I love riding bikes, hell, I even like the Tour de France. But there is a serious disconnect between bike riders and the "cycling culture" in this town.

I mean, Lance Armstrong, Matt Hoffman, these guys are effing cool. Even your everyday commuter - tough, good folks. I often look out the window from within the warm confines of my SUV and see some guy with his Jan Sport backpack and head to toe Columbia rain suit (complete with reflective ankle wraps). I see that guy, soaking wet, grimacing and preparing for the next grade ahead, and honestly, I admire him. He is healthier than me, and he is doing more to ensure that things like skiing, breathing and drinking fresh water (all personal favorites) will be happening for the long haul.

But the rest of you? What the hell are you doing out there? And really? Looking for the constant battle between bikes and cars? I mean, you don't see grass picking a fight with trees, do you?

Since when is riding a bicycle some sort of costume party? The two biggest offenders in Portland would be the fixie dorks and the racer imitators. When Lance rocks the Discovery Channel on his Jersey, he gets millions. When you do it Mr. Suburbanite, you get my scorn. Are jeans really that much less aerodynamic than your "everything" revealing spandex? Better whack those eyebrows with your Mach 3 if you think it will help you get to work (Sauvie's Island, or wherever you are going) that much faster. I mean, when my buddies and I go out to play pickup football or a game of softball in the spring, you don't see us outfitting at the pro team store. We would look ridiculous in full football pads and helmets playing on the weekends. On a side note, I am sure Oakley would like to convey their genuine thanks to you for keeping the Blades line a viable business well into it's second decade.

And the fixie rider. Your capris (male and female, regardless of season), piercings, tats and carefully chosen "vintage" (read: old and crappy) clothing do convey a clear message of strength and a carefully cultivated lack of care in personal appearance. Everyone in the ER is really going to enjoy your awesome counter-culture look when your massive quads alone do not allow you to stop your 18th century technology mode of conveyance before the post at the bottom of the next hill.

It's OK to admit you didn't know about them 'back when'

I, like many, first heard José González when he cleverly (and beautifully) covered The Knife's hit song 'Heartbeats'. You may have heard it on that Sony TV commercial, or you accidentally downloaded it while drunkenly trying to get The Knife version at the last frat party. Either way - you loved it. It's a great song. What most of you didn't know, however, is that he (as most artists do) has a great body of work, put out before he 'made it'.

He has released two solo albums ('Veneer', 'In Our Nature') in '06 and '07, and, to my surprise, also released a five track EP with his band, Junip in '05. The Swedish trio released 'The Black Refuge EP' as a taster for their anticipated full length LP dropping (hopefully) in early 2008.

'The Black Refuge EP' amazed me. I love the simple honesty and chemistry of Gonzalez and his guitar - so the idea of a band threw me off. The EP, instead, is a smooth mix of folk and pop, brought together by Jose's melodic voice.

The album consists of one instrumental track, a cover of Bruce Springsteen's 'The Ghost of Tom Joad', and three other originals. I couldn't be happier with the mix of sound on this album. It isn't overly produced (which is refreshing), and as an EP, contains no filler. If i had it my way, I'd prefer artists put out albums with 5 or 6 songs, and excluded the throw-aways. This album does just that.

Do yourself a favor and pick it up for five bucks on iTunes (despite B's hatred). Roll yourself something nice and throw on your headphones. I'll expect the thank you note next week.

Junip - Chickens

Utah - Reasons you haven't vacationed there and reasons you should.

Reasons why you haven't vacationed in Utah:

#1. They only sell 3.2% alcohol beer. This is true, if you only shop at Jackson's convenience store chain. You can buy stronger (read: normal) beer at Liquor Stores and bars and restaurant that choose to serve it. A little planning ahead will lead to lots of heavy drinking, have no fear. [note: Meeps points out there can be an upside to 3.2%. During college on a trip to Zion, he drank a full case of 3.2% Coors Light and felt like a million bucks the next day.]

#2. It's full of Mormons. OK, this one is actually true. According to an LDS report in 2004, the state of Utah is about 62% Mormon. But, upon further reflection, you realized that as a progressive, free thinking American, you embrace and respect the freedom of religion. Oh, that and Grand county, home of Arches National Park, is only "44.9% or fewer" Mormon, also according to the LDS.

#3. It's not Mexico. I know that PV is really fun. I know that the compulsion to go somewhere you MUST TAKE A SHOT every time a guy with tequila holsters blows his whistle is strong. But, there is more out there. Be brave!

Reasons you should vacation in Utah:
#1. Where else can you go and see a billboard on the side of the highway that says "Bridal Show This Weekend at Provo High School" (that is 100% true)

#2. The Wasatch mountains are one of the premier ski destinations in the US. Amazingly dry, light powder, a wide array of resorts with incredible terrain, all easily accessed from major cities and airports. Oh, and don't worry, as mentioned, with a little planning, you can make sure your apres goes well and you have a nice pounding hangover/elevation headache in the morning.

#3. Here's the big one: the national parks, outdoor spaces and natural beauty are virtually unrivaled by anything else we have ever seen. The Zion Virgin River hike, Canyonlands, Thor's Hammer at Bryce

The many Arches hikes, including the Delicate Arch
and a personal favorite, the Fiery Furnace.

In 2003 we did a road trip through the mountains of Colorado, Wyoming and Utah. Of course we included Arches National Park in our trip. Among others, the Delicate Arch and the Fiery Furnace were stunning almost beyond belief. It's hot during the day and cold at night, but always dry, and generally the camping is easy and plentiful. We found a small, very secluded site in the bend of a river and camped for $4 a day with no reservations about 15 minutes from the park. We spent a few solid days hiking, taking pictures, getting lost [almost scary lost - B Money] and generally marveling at the stunning, otherworldly scenes, immense vistas and feeling small next to the strange and beautiful formations shooting straight out of the red earth.

Do yourself a favor. Do some research, pack up the car, head to Moab and make this happen for yourself. The Delicate Arch is called that for a reason - it literally won't be there forever. Acid rain, human impact and the nature of the Earth is changing this place every day.