Thursday, July 10, 2008

Men's Health

I cannot stand Men's Health. Frankly, I cannot stand Men's Journal either.

How are these magazines so popular? I find them so defeating.

My problem begins and ends with the cover. Every magazine read something similar to:
1324 Women reveal their secrets to Sex! Or, 35 Watches that you Need NOW! Or 15 Foods that Build Muscle! And why with all the exclamation points?

What they are really saying is more like the following:
1. 20 Foods that you Cannot Even Find at your Local Health Food Store and if you could you wouldn't want to spend $5 or that 5oz piece of fruit anyway!
2. 50 Suits that you and none of your Immediate Friends Could Ever Afford! And if we're really going to be spending $4,00 on something Italian, it better damn well be an Italian vacation
3. 40 Women that you'll Never Have a Chance Dating!
4. 35 Watches that will Make You Feel Like a Complete Douche for Spending $5,00o!
5. 12 Vacations that You Can Never Afford!
6. 120 Sex Tips that Will Get You Nowhere Fast!
7. 1530 Different Things that will Make You Feel Insecure About Your Situation In Life!
8. 240 Reasons With You are Not As Cool As The Guy On The Cover of This Magazine!

4 comments:

B Money said...

And for that matter, is it too much to ask that we could exchange the cover shot on Vogue or Elle of a stunningly sexy woman for the smoldering, ab flexing pork chop on the cover? It's really not doing much for me.

Courtney said...

1)Why do we need to see another black and white photo of a guy with his shirt off? Don’t they all look the same? Might as well be a striped shirt.
2)You will NEVER have enough time, money or will power to even have a chance at attaining anything printed in it so you might as well save your $4.50 and you might have a better chance of getting the knock off of that necessary $4,000 watch.
3)Why do guys need tips for a morning regimen or tips for anti-wrinkle creams?
4)Why would we care that,that guy has a "perfect life?

Loganius said...

A man can have a kick ass watch, bad-ass abs, a suit made of fine italian thread, a car women get wet just looking at, and follow every sex tip in the history of Mean's Healthy Journal (Tangental exercise: How often do you think that over the run of the magazine they have given contradictory sex advice?), and still be a massive douche trooper. In fact, I'd be willing to go out on a limb and say that most of their readership are douche trooping morons.

This is why education kicks fucking ass. You can be ugly as sin, but at least you won't be a raging douche at the end of the day.

Courtney said...

That comment is killing my soul. Good work Loggie.