Thursday, July 10, 2008

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears? (Part II)

A while back I wrote a bit of a rant about the cyclist culture in Portland. In the interest of full disclosure, I must first admit that since that time, I have started doing a fair amount of bike riding. Notice I do not call myself a cyclist. I do not have a jersey of any kind. My bike has both gears and brakes. I don't even think I would call myself a cycling enthusiast. I just think of myself as a guy who rides bikes.

Well, Portland cyclist culture has once again given me good reason to distance myself from the snooty, lock in the belt loop, socks over shoes, car hating crowd. You can check out the story as published in the Oregonian or on If you are really looking for a good laugh, dig into the comments sections on each piece, as I can't begin to do either one justice. The story is priceless:

Average Portland Guy Colin Yates is driving his green Subaru wagon in SE Portland (it's already so good you couldn't make this shit up!). Sees biker punk (probably wearing chain wallet and stupid hat with flipped up visor instead of brain-protecting helmet) run through two red lights.

APG Colin, a self described cycling advocate chases down biker and lectures him for making bikers look bad. Rogue Punk Biker Steven McAtee flips his lid. Chases the car, screaming, threatening etc. and enoourages APG Colin to stop and have a good old fashioned throw down.

APG Colin stops, confronts RPB Steven and gets more than he bargained for when RPB Steven picks up his bike and uses it as a weapon to attack APG Colin, his Average Portland Car containing his Average Portalnd Family. The brawl is derailed only by a Hancock-esque citizen laying out RPB Steven with a single punch haymaker (dear god how I would have loved to see that).

So, now there is a scene. Car stopped, smashed up hood, biker on the ground and it's drawing attention. The obvious happens next (picture Thriller or West Side Story) a group of Disgruntled Passersby Bikers gang up on and attack APG Colin as he stands next to his APC Subaru.

The police eventually show up to break up the hostile mobe of DPBs and sort things out, and this is where it gets good. RPB Steven is a city employee... In the transportation department! And he was hammered (probably after drinking too many pints of Organic IPA w/ too high of an IBU), possibly fueling his drunken bike weilding rage!

I think the Portland Police spokesman summed it up best, "It's almost kind of quintessentially a Portland thing."

1 comment:

Courtney said...

"TQPLE"!!! The Quintessential Portland Life Experience.