Wednesday, June 25, 2008
You are in fanhood euphoria while I am stuck on planet earth. Back-to-back-to-back sports seasons where your team competed for a championship (RedSox, Patriots, Celtics). I swear, that is just not right.
BENEFIT: You are a total fan!!! And I can totally relate to that! (Ignoring of course the fact that you are a total homer fan of teams I happen to hate.
BENEFIT: You are f'ing funny. I laugh a lot when reading your stuff.
BENEFIT: I'm convinced I'll be cursed and have 3 daughters just like my uncle. You gave me hope in Learning About Sports From a 2 1/2 Year Old that if I only have daughters, I'll be able to convince them to like sports ... at least during their formative years.
BENEFIT: It was really nice of you to warn me not to read this column wherein you BLATANTLY HATE on the future of the NBA.
BENEFIT: Your luck as a fan gives other fans (me) hope.
COST: All of your teams are firing on all cylinders right now. Literally all of them. That has NEVER happened to me and gets me so fired up.
This list could go on, but making the list has already helped me gain clarity. Look ... It's not like I ever think that the Blazers will win an NBA championship, followed by the Oregon Ducks winning the BCS, followed by the Cleveland Browns winning the Super bowl (don't ask about the Browns thing ... it's a long story involving a friend buying my buddy and I as many free hot dogs as we can eat if we go to Cleveland and watch a game). I know that the chance of all of my teams having your teams' success probably isn't going to happen. But the fact that the last 8-9 months have been so practically perfect for you (everybody knows you jinxed the Pats, so it's your fault it wasn't 100% perfect ) - I guess it teaches me to not totally give up hope. Because afterall ... isn't that what being a fan is all about?
So ... at the end of all of this ... I will keep reading. But seriously, don't write stuff about the Blazers like that again. Oden will punish you for it next year, I promise. Thanks for all the hard work - and enjoy this 1 good year of Celtics hoops b/c they are old as dirt and don't have much gas left. Meanwhile, my team has a good 8-12 solid years left in Roy, Oden, Aldridge.
My justifications for watching in the first place:
1. Starring Mos Def (#69 on Stuff White People Like), Jack Black, and Danny Glover, all people who have made me laugh and entertained me at some point.
2. Directed by Michael Gondry. He has made music videos for some of my favorite bands and directed great, award winning movies like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
3. A 67% on Rotten Tomatoes. Usually a pretty good guide, but a good lesson - always read the synopses and I would have seen warning words like "schmaltzy" and "corny cool and beautiful."
So it shouldn't be horrible, right? Wrong. It was apparent in about the first 10 minutes that we were in for an aimless, boring, overly sentimental crap fest full of rambling side stories, unclear plot motivations and irrelevant Jack Black "comedy."
The story was boring and sappy, the jokes were painfully obvious and I found myself repeatedly wondering: did all of these people sit around and have to convince themselves "Jack Black wearing a colander on his head will be REALLY funny!" I would expect that out of summer camp skit, not a lineup of this caliber.
You may be familiar with Joe Arpaio. He's the Phoenix-area Sheriff who clearly idolizes the warden in Midnight Run. No, he doesn't break prisoners' feet on a regular basis, but he does make them eat green bologna and live in tent cities in the Arizona desert all while wearing pink underwear. You get the picture - don't cross Joe, you'll be sorry.
Apparently Joe doesn't like quasi homo erotic rhetorical questions about the taste of Shaq's ass either, according to this story. Part of me likes this - it's true, no special treatment for Shaq. Part of me can't help picture a kid on the day they visit the firehouse in grade school getting the sticker-fireman's-badge ripped unceremoniously off his chest for pulling Suzy's pigtails.
The good news is he can always move to Portland where apparently anyone can become sheriff no matter how big of an a-hole you are.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
You can give it a listen on this "fan video" of my favorite song off the last album Night Ripper here on youtube. Or, an alternative version here featuring Hillary Clinton dancing to Girl Talk - not sure if it's even funny, but man Youtube is a weird place.
He leads off his latest release, Feed the Animals with a 17 sample mix up as detailed here on Wikipedia:
"Play Your Part (Pt. 1)" - 4:45
- 0:01 UGK with OutKast - International Player's Anthem (I Choose You)
- 0:01 Spencer Davis Group - Gimme Some Lovin
- 0:01 The Unicorns - I Was Born (A Unicorn)
- 0:32 DJ Funk - Pump That Shit
- 1:08 Pete Townshend - Let My Love Open the Door
- 1:19 Unk - Walk It Out
- 1:59 Twisted Sister - We're Not Gonna Take It
- 2:04 Huey Lewis and the News - The Heart of Rock & Roll
- 2:13 Lil Mama - G-Slide
- 2:29 Ludacris - Whats Your Fantasy
- 2:36 Temple of the Dog - Hunger Strike
- 3:04 Aaliyah ft. Timbaland - We Need a Resolution
- 3:05 T.I. - What You Know
- 3:08 Lil Wayne with Birdman - Stuntin' Like My Daddy
- 3:41 Sinead O'Connor - Nothing Compares 2 U
- 4:32 Shawnna - Gettin' Some
- 4:32 Jay-Z - Big Pimpin'
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Last night the NBA Finals ended in less that dramatic fashion with Boston chowdering a 40pt blowout of Kobe and his two first team all "Cic-ers"
After the game, always persistent Michelle Tafoya clamps onto KG and asks him, "NBA Champion. How does that sound?"
Kevin Garnett replies, "Man I'm so hyped right now. Anything is Possible. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE."
Then he proceeds to thank a handful of nicknames, letters and acronyms that nobody in the viewing audience understands. But, that's not the point here.
The point is that KG is an adidas shoe and clothing monger and that their tag line is "Impossible is Nothing."
So, was KG stoked on the happenings and ready to down some Remy in Boylston? Or is he just a buffoon and completely butchered the adidas slogan that has been shoved down our throats that last year and a half.
Either way, Adi Dassler is turning in his grave today with the organic branding opportunity that could have been.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
"In two days, the price of oil rose $16," said Sen. Richard Durbin, D-Ill., at a joint hearing of two Senate panels on oil speculation Tuesday. "Did I miss something, was there some war in the Middle East?"
"No, something is going on besides supply and demand, and it could be excessive speculation," he added.
Did he just ask if there was a war in the Middle East then answer "No" to his own question? Good one Dick, and great picture with the corpse formerly known as Joan Rivers.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Although summer's just getting started, I am ALWAYS looking ahead to winter and the coming ski season. I guess the fact that we're experience a "Juneuary" in the PNW makes it a little easier to ignoring the pending joy of summer and think about skiing again...
Friday, June 6, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
1. Mary Louise-Parker is hot and manages to drink something out of a straw every episode (HELLO internet fanboy - sorry, it just kind of came out).
2. Kevin Nealon is absolutely brilliant.
3. Short but sweet. No fanatical devotion required.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
There were a variety of reactions when I told people I was going to the show. Most laughed, a few were jealous, and a surprising number of people said: Kayne, oh, I can't stand him, he is soooo arrogant (conceited, egotistical, cocky, etc.)! This struck me as slightly ridiculous for two reasons:
1. Yeah he is, he's one of the most famous pop stars of his era. And admit it, you love or have loved his music. It has played at your favorite parties, been on your workout mix or has bumped in your car.
2. Who gives a shit? I am not going to a massive arena pop show to see someone up there be self deprecating and humble. I want the guy to go nuts and put on a visual-musical spectacle worthy of my time and money, and I would contend a large ego is necessary for that!
This show was huge - almost 5 hours of music from some of the best pop acts out there - N.E.R.D., Lupe, Rhianna and, of course, Kanye. This is the first arena pop show I have been to since TLC, Mary J Blige and Bobby Brown (Humpin' Around) in '92. Combine that with the fact that I was the oldest person in Sec. 114 without a kid in tow, and I was a little self conscious in the beginning.
Is it really cool to go nuts, jump around and pound out some white guy fist pumps to radio-ready pop music? You bet your sweet ass, and I had a great time doing it, grooving to Lupe, bouncing with N.E.R.D., singing um breELLA, ELLA, ELLA, EA, EA and throwing my diamonds in the sky, because it's obvious I felt the vibe.
After an almost 90 minute set in which I imagine he played 20 songs, the show appeared to be over - the house lights even started to come up - but Kanye had other plans. He took the moment to go on a pretty impressive rant - against critics, against media (kind of) and in favor of art, musical expression and having a well developed love for ones self and what they do. The guy likes himself, he knows we like him, and he likes it. Granted, interspersed among the rant were hints at schizophrenia, some name calling and some non-linear logic, but overall it was pretty solid and entertaining.
Ultimately, Kanye asks, what's so wrong with having high self esteem, to liking ones self and what they do? It reminds me of Kobe Bryant. People love to hate Kobe, they call him arrogant, conceited, etc. But think about it this way - it feels good to be good at something. It feels even better to be better than others at something. Imagine if you were better than all 6 Billion people on Earth... I give the guy a pass on feeling good about that.
So, was the show life changing and analogous to a James Joyce novel as Luciana Lopez suggested in her pre-show drubbing of Kanye? Nah, but as my Uncle would say, it was significantly better than a sharp stick in the eye. Equal parts Vegas style stage show (yes, Kanye did some acting), Disney ride and mega-pop tour, it was an amazing time had by all, great music and a welcome change from the hipster asshole crowd who take themselves and music oh so seriously.
An interesting post script - Luciana (the pop critic for the Oregonian) apparently has a bit of a hubris problem as well. Check out her review in today's paper where she writes (and seems to believe) that Kanye's rant about media and all the haters in the world was directed solely toward her. It's clear she has the John Canzano syndrome, but we can get into that later...