Friday, August 29, 2008

Body Wash

I don't really understand why all these companies are trying to push body wash on me. During my 5 hour College Football kickoff last night I was assaulted on numerous occasions by commercials featuring naked men in the shower luxuriously massaging themselves with some sort of gel soap. I know sex sells, but this is not the sex that's going to sell me and convince me to discard my old friend, soap.

Soap is one of those things that I just don't think can be improved upon. It comes in a convenient bar form that travels well, applies easily to the whole body, is inexpensive, and remarkable effective. I've never used soap to wash myself and said afterward, "Dang, that soap just didn't do the job, I wish it did X."

Body wash is foofy. It comes in some sharply designed container and is advertised to have a variety of properties that will make you more desirable (Hello Axe?), manly, cleaner, softer, etc. Personally, while I, like everyone, constantly seeks to be as desirable, clean, manly yet soft, I just don't see that $7 bottle of body wash getting the job done. Oh, and for 9 out of 10 women the word DOUCHEBAG pops out of their mouth every time they smell an Axe product.

The biggest problem is maybe I just don't understand how to use the product. Every time I attempt a body-washing, luxuriously rubbing myself with some bright blue gel that smells like a 13 year old's cologne, I:
1. Use half the bottle to achieve the proper lather. It gets all over except in the reigons most in need of cleaning. Could be that I'm lacking a loufa, but I will not purchase an accessory to to make bodywash act like soap when soap acts like soap as is. Why, as a 20-something man, is loufa even a part of my vocabulary?
2. I don't feel like it gets things clean. In fact, it leavs me feeling less clean and kind of slippery. I don't like that.

Bottom line, other than GoJo Orange, I can't imagine a liquid cleaner that will surpass soap so please, everyone, let's stop with this silliness and leaving the loufa-ing to the ladies.

Soap: keeping you clean since 2800 BC.

1 comment:

Lizzie Bennett said...

My brother uses Axe. He loves it, actually. So he either smells like that or the Acqua di Gio I bought him in 2002. Either way, TOTALLY reminds me of college boyfriend Jeremy Meyer who shaved his entire body. Including his armpits. It got so prickly at one point I gave him the gift of an arm waxing.

I think Douchebag would be an appropriate label.