Monday, September 15, 2008

Leaf Blowers

Fall is here, leaves are falling, and Jackasses everywhere are using the loudest, least efficient tool possible to blow them (along with dust, trash, and anything else on the ground) out of their yard.

It's an interesting mindset: I want these leaves out of my yard. I think I'll blow them all over the sidewalk, into the street and into your yard instead. And I'll do it by running the most obnoxiously loud device I can get my hands on.

And what lazy bastard thinks this leaf blowing device is actually a good idea? The only reason leaf blowers work is because there's only about one real Jacknife per block who actually thinks it's socially acceptable to take the mess that's in his yard and blow it out into the neighborhood. If everyone did it, it would be an awesome battle royale with leaves flying, dust in the air and gum wrapper projectiles aplenty.

As Mitch Hedberg pointed out, just about everything should have two names - such as a "cheese grater" could also be called a "sponge ruiner." I'll work for the next few days coming up with alternative names for the leaf blower, I think I'll go with the Not My Problem Machine (narrowly lost out to the Jackass Jetpack).

No comments: