Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Snoozing is a sign of weakness

When I was in 8th grade my best friend moved from the next block to the deep suburbs. Disappointing to say the least to now have to hang out with the second tier local friends.

His new place afforded us many opportunities our old one didn't. We didn't have to climb down a giant hedge-like bush to sneak out. The neighborhood was on
hills that afforded death defying (and moronic) speed runs on our bikes. There was also lots of new construction around which allowed plenty of 14 year old mischief, which I will not detail as I am not sure if what the statue of limitations is on this one... Even the cops were nice. We got picked up for curfew at the Zupans market (after buying a 3 liter of pop. Seriously, a 3 liter, how am I not diabetic?) and they just told us to be good and go home. Ask my brother how that differs from the Portland Police approach...

My buddy has always been quite industrious and so had a job early on. So, when I'd stay out there on weekends he'd get up in the morning to go to work and I'd sleep in (I was a lazy teenager). Let's say he had to be up at 7:30 to be to work at 8. He'd set his alarm for... 5:45. That's ONE AND A HALF HOURS before he had to be up. He would then proceed to snooze every 12 minutes for the next hour and a half. That alarm buzzer would go off 8 times before he finally hauled it out of bed. God forbid I should have to listen to that buzzer 8 times in a week, much less a day. He swore it was the only way he could wake up!

Let's break this down: that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. First off, it takes about 15 minutes for you to fall into REM or restful sleep (or so my 7th grade science teacher the smartest woman I've ever met told me). So by adding snooze into your sleeping repertoire, y
ou are effectively stealing that sleep from your night. So let's say you snooze for an hour each morning, you are just giving up an hour of your sleep. If someone said - hey, get up an hour early, you'd tell them to go to hell because you'd be losing sleep. But for some reason people have no problem waking up and going back to sleep repeatedly. Seriously, it's dumb.

So of course, my first "real" college girlfriend was... a snoozer! We would often do sleep overs with one another which would lead to the snooze fights. She scheduled all her classes at ungodly hours and then would want to start the snooze process hours beforehand which, coincidentally was many hours before I even had to be up (I was also a lazy college student). Needless to say, this led to strife.

There are two exceptions that I feel obligated to note:
1. Setting the alarm early deliberately to allow for sexytime with significant other. Obviously not snoozing, though, as the notable absence of the raucous, nightmarish alarm clock beeping.
2. The iHome. An alarm clock that plays your iPod. It's pure genius. It wakes you up and lets you listen to good music. It even fades in. I broke down and got one and suddently found myself drifting slowly into wakefulness over a 20 minute period. I quickly realized this was the same as snoozing (oh, and was late for work) and have now had to place a strict 2-song limit on my morning iHome listening.

Over the years, I have worked to refine (aka mellow a bit) my theory on snoozing (among other things). Following a lengthy discussion with a freind's GF, I have softened my stance. All snoozers are not weak. Some are just lazy but OK with it... Seriously, though, the amended stance is: one snooze allows for proper passing of the shock of another day/burying oneself deep underneath the covers to generate necessary warmth/strength of character to get up and do it all again. That seems reasonable, but more than that, and we're in ridiuclous/weak/lazy land. Set your alarm, get your ass up, deal.


Meeps said...

If you snooze for more than 1 hour, you are out of your gourd. One of two snoozes max.
Further, I never once snoozed ever until a certain college GF and I still cannot get through this habit.

Cross said...

jeff is mr snoozy snooze-alot

Meeps said...

Austin Powers is Sir Snozirite de Sudafed

Allison said...

First of all, did you say sexytime? Way to work it into a blog.

Secondly, I am engaged to the world's biggest snooze psycho. Because he is a heavy sleeper, he MUST have the alarm at least 20 yards away from the bed. This way, when he finally does hear it, he actually has to get up out of bed, which will wake him up. The problem with that is that I am usually the one who gets up 10 minutes into the annoying beeping, turns it off and punches him in the face to make sure he is awake.

My philosophy is to set my alarm at 7:10 a.m. in order to leave the house by 7:45 a.m. Snoozing wastes valuable minutes of deep sleep.

Meeps said...

So today i set my alarm for 600AM, then looked at it and reset it to 740. does that count as a snooze?

Allie said...

Every chronic snoozer needs an alarm clock that scurries away after 1 snooze, forcing you to get out of bed in order to turn the damn thing off

For a carpeted room:
A propeller-driven module releases from the base of the alarm clock and flies to an unspecified location in your room. The beeping won't stop until you get your lazy ass up, retrieve the propeller and return it to its home base.

B Money said...

I must admit I am quite impressed by your research, Allie. Did you have those links at hand or read and then go out and find them?

Allison, punching in the face is not nice.

I am feeling extrodinarily well rested today. My "wake up song" was November Rain. Boom! Happy Effing Monday.