Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Day of Steve

Last Sunday was one of the most oddly surreal days of my life. It all revolved around the name Steve. 

We all know a Steve or two in our life. We probably know a Steven or a Stephan as well. In fact, I know some people with the surname Stephens. These are all good people that keep to themselves. The Steves of the World tend to generally be unassuming, genuine, law abiding and contributing pillars of society.

Think about it, do you know any bad egg Steves? Didn't think so.

However, something went wrong in the land of Steve last Sunday. Maybe it was the cusp of the full moon and all the werewolf Steves were coming out. Could it be years of oppression and normalcy for the Steves and they united to conspire against my normal day.

Steve Interaction 1. On airplane from Denver to Oakland. I sit down in the last seat on the flight and get placed next to Steve. Steve is huge and seemingly ate the armrest with his forearm. Steve snores, on an afternoon flight. I see his name on his ticket and swear under my breath.

Steve Interaction 2. In Taxi from apartment to friends house.  Taxi Driver introduces himself as Steve. Why would a taxi driver every introduce himself. Weird.

Steve Interaction 3. At Decompression Party in San Francisco and guy comes up to me and pulls off my cowboy hat and says, "hey, I've been looking for you." I reply, "have you?" He says, "oh, yeah, guess that isn't you and that's NOT my hat. "  Anyway, that is how you start talking to someone sometimes and we get to gabbing and he introduces his name as Bear. I say my name is Jeff and then he replies that his earth name is Steve.   

Things are starting to get weird.

Steve Interaction 4. At Mighty for DJ Dan Show. A guy in a purply fur hat and a purple leopard jacket comes up and sits down next to me at a table while I'm trying to enjoy a G&T. His introductory line, "want to go to the worlds greatest party?" His second question, "want to know about the elixir of youth I invented?" His third topic, "did you know I'm a Watsu?"  

This was the most bizarre person of the day. How would I know he's a Watsu? Secondly, why did he need to tell ME about how he's regained 20 years of life from drinking his special potion? This guy was strange. This guy was also named Steve, as I found out upon ejecting myself from the conversation. 

Steve Interaction 5. At Mightly, 3:45AM leaving show. Guy comes up to me in the parking lot and asks me if I think he should drive home. I ask him where his car is and he replies, "Parked right in front of those cops over there." I ask him if he's sober and he replies, "do I look sober?" I say no. He says, "we'll, I'm not." He asks, "do you think the cops would think I'm sober?" I retort, "hey man, If I can tell your not sober, I'm pretty sure the cops can tell your not sober."
I tell him I've got to go, introduce myself as Jeff and he shakes my hand and says "Steve."

I look around for a moment. Look at the people I'm with who remember the last person's name. A friend says, "wasn't that last guy named Steve, too?" 

I look over and say, "you have no idea what Steve has put me through today."


6 comments:

B Money said...

Steve Stencil. Bad Egg.

Loganius said...

And B Money wins for best Steve Stencil comment of 2008.

What would be awesome is if Google snags this page up and Steve Googles himself, to find us slagging him off 7 years after he left us.

Loganius said...

nota bene: No Steve's in the Harry Potter series.

Tanya said...

Perhaps this happened because you must let go of this immaculate ideal of "Steve" you once had, and the universe is trying to help you in these bizarre ways. It is time. Freedom, my brothah...

Cross said...

was it you i was talking to about steve? steve is my go-to name and always has been. if im telling a story or need to assign a name to some ambiguous character, it's always steve. because, well, steve is an all around good guy and you like to hear things that happen to him.

jennifer on the other hand hates that i call everyone steve, because that's her dad's name.

Allie said...

Now I understand the text message that Gabe sent to me last Monday. It read: "text starr the word 'STEVE'". I didn't because I thought Gabe might have been vogging or something. Wish I had.