Tuesday, October 14, 2008

HDA

With all the bad news in the news today - credit crisis, mortgage meltdown, presidential politics, etc., I understand how you may have missed this item, but HDA is nothing to joke about. Affecting literally hundreds of Americans each year, HDA can lead to yellowing of the skin, sweating, vomiting, gastro-intestinal malaise, and general discomfort.

Hot Dog Addiction (HDA) is characterized by an unchecked need to
continually ingest long, spherically-shaped, encased meats. Hot Dogs, Kielbasas, Sausages, it doesn't matter to the HDA sufferer. Like many addictions, the need to consume Hot Dogs takes precedence over one's own well being - affecting basic common sense and decision making abilities.

This past weekend, I was brought face to face with this sausage scourge. On Saturday morning we all went to breakfast and the soon to be exposed HDA ordered a massive breakfast and then, at the last second, decided to include a side of sausage. We thought nothing of it at the time...

A few hours later we were at an alumni tailgater with two choices for dinner: hamburgers or
hot dogs. But these weren't just any hot dogs. Approximately 14 inches long and 2 inches in diameter, these were some serious swine products. But even 28 square inches of nitrate packed hot dog is not enough for the HDA sufferer. A scant 2 hours later, our friend went running from her seats watching the football game to buy.... You guessed it, an Autzen Stadium gameday polish sausage.

The rest, unfortunately, was fairly predictable - and the fallout was just as bad as one might imagine. It's horrible to see a friend suffer like we did and hopefully you take this blog to heart and watch your family and friends closely, and intervene if you see signs of HDA.

On a side note, The Happening is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. This is relevant because the crazy guy who proposes that plants are causing the problem also has a Hot Dog Addiction and rambles aimlessly at one point for about 3.5 minutes about hot dogs and how much he loves them.

At this point, the list goes:
1. Death Sentence with Kevin Bacon
2. Be Kind, Rewind with Mos Def
3. The Happening with Marky Mark (notice the disrespectful downgrade from Mark Wahlberg)
Stay tuned as I am sure to rent more terrible movies and face ridicule in the near future.

4 comments:

Rob G said...

BKR was a great movie. Maybe you were one of the worst viewers of you. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

Rob G said...

and maybe i'm one of the worst commenters. Edit to read: maybe you were one of the worst viewers of IT (the movie).

Allie said...

Obvi, you haven't seen Battlefield Earth with John Travolta in his scientology-inspired crazy movie about aliens. If you had, it would be #1 on your list of bad movies. That movie is soooooo bad.

Kirat Singh said...

I know someone with HDA.