Friday, October 10, 2008

Rules of Being a Man #293

There are only three reasons you, as a man, should have candles in your home. If you do decide to go the candle path, it is imperative that you avoid food-smelling candles.

1. You have a wife. It's inevitable that she will take over the decorating for the abode - as she well should. I can only think of 3 things hanging on the walls in our house (a calendar, a picture of a ski resort and an oil painting by my great aunt) - a feminine touch sure wouldn't hurt. But, I went to a buddy's house recently was stunned by the sheer quantity of: hand towels, pictures from their wedding and candles.

2. Sexy time candles. They work! They cast a "flattering" light on everyone and show that you are not a total schlubb. But the food rule is especially important here - as we learned from George Castanza when he was dating a women with food-scented incense. Next thing you know you're eating a sandwich made of the "sweetest of the cured meats" out of the drawer in the bed side. And you certainly don't need that. Fresh Breeze, Clean Laundry, Ocean Scent and Spring Rain all work well for this application.

3. The bathroom candle. Whether it's frequent (or occasional) female visitors or just a room mate with an undiagnosed sickness inside, a bathroom candle can be the ultimate courtesy and a real odor life saver. Again, the food family of smells may lead to unintended consequences - vanilla scented shit is not necessarily an improvement.

1 comment:

Allison said...

We sincerely appreciate the bathroom candles. And, sexy time candles as opposed to bright lights...